April 2012
Simon Cowell creating One Direction in his lab
Simon: ok for liam lets do some abs and a little adorableness oh shit there goes the whole bottle ok a lot of adoarbleness and a good amount of fucking sexy and he can be that one innocent bastard that never does anything bad oh and add a voice that would be perfect for the beginning of songs wow im good
Simon: now for zayn lets make him drop dead gorgeous so that when you look at him you faint lmfao and how about i add a little bit of sex god so that he can DM whoever the hell he wants of and now give him the charisma of a mix of christina aguilera and joshua from american idol ok now lets make him so deep that he uses his own body as his inspirational journal ok
Simon: and for niall lets just throw a shit load of irish and sexy hips that dont lie with a smile that will make these bitches hearts melt ok now lets give him the voice of an angel but wait he farts too and ill make him have the appetite of a fat man oh and hes the only blondie yeah that will throw em off
Simon: lets make this bitch louis a gay fucker with a sweet little voice but also give him nice eyes that stare into your soul oh and cant forget some hot sex hair ok oh fuck there goes the whole bottle of big penis oh well oh shit there goes 2 more bottle of big penis well ok
Simon: ok harry has to be the partner of gay ass louis because hes the only one left so lets put some cute ass dimples on his face and make him the only one with curly hair lmfao im a genius hes so gAY oh but he secretly has abs and v lines nbd and his voice can sing just about anything because its basically a combination of jesus and jesus
Simon: ok sounds good
Friend1: "Everybody shut up." *picks up phone* "Hey mom."
Friend2: "come back to bed"
Friend3: *various sex noises*
Friend4: "tell her I said hi"
Friend5: "PASS THE WEED"
